Where to start?

 I need to start writing in this blog once a week and putting down the stories of my life. I am in my late 40s and have been married for over 24 years. Ryan is now 13yo and Liam is 10yo. I will be back to update on them when it isn't bedtime.

Bare Update

What to write. I have written in 2 years and that should tell you I am not very good at this blog crap. I live my life and post on facebook a lot.

Ryan is 8.5yo now and doing well in his Life Skills class. He hasn't been able to go into the 2nd grade classroom due to his outbursts and not being able to sit still. His teacher and his paras are amazing and special in their own right. He is a straight A student and the whole school loves him. Ryan has tried hot dogs this school year. He will take meds a little easier.  Ryan wears pull ups and is eating the same foods since he was 2yo. Ryan is currently on a med for his Anxiety and a patch for his ADHD. He takes Melatonin at night, but it doesn't seem to be working much anymore.

Liam is 5.5yo now and in Kindergarten. Liam had a rough year in Pre-K due to behavior and bad school staff. I had Liam transferred to another school to get him out of that crappy school and lack of helpfulness from the staff just blew me away. I learn more and more each day as Liam lets out stuff of what happened at that school every once in awhile. It makes my blood boil and does help me understand why he hated the school so bad. At Liam's new school, which is the school Ryan goes to, he is excelling after a rough and naked 1st week. Liam still has his moments, but they have gone down 85% from a year ago. His kindy teacher has created him a HULK spot where he can go and cover up with a blanket and chill until he is ready to come back to class. The school admins and staff are amazing at this school. I wish every kid with any issue could go to this public school and experience the positive staff and feeling of the school. Liam is on meds for anger until he is 6yo and can get further testing. The docs say - mild/moderate ADHD, mood disorder with Anxiety, and ODD. Liam will be 6yo in September, so we wait.

David is working for the State and has been for most of Liam's life. He has been having health issues recently and that does worry me. David's sugar levels are high on occasion, but for the most part in the normal range. One of his feet hurt off and on due to a bone spur and over use. He has reflux and his sinuses make him sick often. David has set expectations for people and when things are not his way, he yells. The stress of his job is big and I wish he would see a counselor to help him out. I have asked him a couple of times to see someone and talk it out. David went to Iraq in 2005 and we were just a married couple. He was able to come back and be home for 30 days a year until he returned in October 2010 due to health issues. When he got back, we had grown to a family of 4. It was a big adjustment and with all the health issues, I don't think David is handling it well.

I am a SAHM and I do love it. I don't like being the punching bag to Liam's outbursts. I have seen a counselor and have realized I have severe Anxiety and Depression. I survive each day instead of living each day. I eat to hide the demons inside because society as a whole doesn't expect much from a fat person. I can hide the hurt, pain, and demons behind layers of fat. I have been abuse by a few men in my past. I weigh over 370 pounds and I am 5'6". My teeth hurt due to bad food choices and genetics. My sex drive is nil. I don't want to do anything sexual. It is overwhelming.

2014 is here!

Bullshit, Shit, BS, Malarkey, Gosh Darnit are words that are running rampant in my house right now. Ryan has picked up new words from friends, TV, iPad, family, or school. I have tried to offer new words and I hope that works.

Ryan has started on a probiotic and he is doing well. He has had an increase in bowel movements, but not much else has changed. In a couple of weeks I am going to change something else in his diet and work things slowly to see if anything will help.

The whole house was sick this past week. Ryan and Liam had the flu during Thanksgiving and now a cold during Yule/Christmas time. Yeah!

I keep getting headaches. I am not sure if it is my BP, glasses, teeth, or something else.

David has been transferred and loves his new unit. He likes the people and hours. I am glad he is happy.

Liam has Issues!

Liam has been having issues and behavior that was excessive physically, so David and I have taken him to a few doctors to get their DX on his behavior.

Good News - All doctors and therapists agree that Liam doesn't have Autism. Yeah!!!

Liam's DX -

Liam does score in the elevated and high range for his age level on many aspects of his personality, which means he doesn't behave like a typical 3yo..

Liam's Therapist is working on his aggressive behavior through family therapy.

Liam's psych doctor has given him a preliminary DX of ADHD and ODD. Liam is on Risperdal with monthly blood tests.

Liam's psychologist doesn't want to label Liam with ADHD or ODD at this time. She said the ODD label is very hard to come back from. So, she says she would DX Liam with Unspecified Disruptive Impulse Control Disorder. She even gave me the number to find out more info under the DSM V. We go back to her in 6 months.

Falling apart....

I am tired all the time. I have a zit on my face. I get a sickly stomach after eating sometimes. My breasts are huge and I hate to wear a bra. I am farting like a man.

David got into a car accident on Halloween. He got a ticket for following too closely in heavy traffic during a rain storm.  The van will probably be totaled.

Liam has an evaluation this week for ADHD, Autism, and PDD.

Ryan is doing well on new meds. Yeah!

Too tired and bloated to type anymore!

Just one more piece

Liam has been aggressive since he could walk. ECI came in and tried to help. It worked for awhile and now it has stopped.
Liam throws toys, rips things apart, hits people, pulls hair, and bites.

I get these questions all the time -
Isn't that what a 3yo is supposed to do? --- Not to my knowledge!
Is he copying his Autistic older brother? --- No, Ryan is a loner and will only get aggressive when provoked.
Is he doing this for attention? --- Sometimes and he gets it all the way to TIME OUT!!!!

Liam went to see a psych doctor and the doctor saw ADHD and sent us to see another doctor for an evaluation for PDD, ADHD, and what ever other letters they want to put down. I am waiting on the call from evaluator to set up that appointment.

Liam's new thing is to throw the time out chair at me. It takes all my strength to not spank him.

I am not a big spanker. I do spank, but not often. As a child when I was in trouble, I had saucepans thrown at my head, car doors slammed on my fingers or legs, and told I was ugly, fat, dumb, and not worth spending time with. This abuse was handed down by my father and my mother would cry and drink another vodka tonic. 

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!!!

Today is my last day to be 40yo.

 In 2.5 hours, I will be 41yo. LOL! Big Jump! I love getting older. People are always astonished at my age. Thanks to my parents for good genes. I would like the skinny genes next time!

My life is not what I expected it to be. I wanted to have my kids when I was in my late 20s and be retired by 40yo. That sure didn't happen. I had my kids in my late 30s and I don't work outside of the home, so retirement is not coming.

I can tell you that I wouldn't give up my life that I have now for anything. I have a great husband, who listens 80% of the time to me, and 2 great sons.

I get some questions asked to me all the time, so I thought I would answer them all in one place.

Do I ever wish I had a daughter? Sure do, but girls are expensive.

Would I cure Ryan of Autism if given the chance? I would miss the pure moments, but I would love to take away any strife or pain from him. Ryan knows no different, but I do. I have been bullied and no kid should have to go through that.

Why don't you work? I Stay At Home because it saves my family money. If I worked, my check would be eaten up with daycare costs and what job would let me off when Ryan or Liam are sick. Ryan was sick for the whole month of March. We only have one car and I don't drive. I would have to pay someone else to drive me. David's schedule changes every day and he could get called in for overtime at a moments notice.

Is it June already?

Ryan has finished his first complete year of school. Yeah! He had some rough days and some SICK days, but we made it. Ryan learned to read simple books, he learned his age, he learned where he lived, and he is potty training. Ryan will be going to school during the summer, so his regression will be at a minimum.

Liam is going to see a psych doctor for his fears of bugs. He won't walk on the ground if he sees a bug. He will scream and jump around. He will talk about monsters and such coming to get him. He wakes up in the middle of the night talking about monsters and won't go back to bed until we kill them all. Shadows and reflections at night bother him. Liam will also be seeing an ENT if he gets one more ear infection.

David is working hard and hoping for a raise soon. I am looking into going back to college for a Bachelors. There are so many hoops to jump through. I have been approached about being a para. Transportation and a babysitter for the kids are what is holding me back. I guess I need a nanny. LOL!!!

David turns 37 years old in less than 2 weeks. He doesn't like aging. LOL!

I will try and do better

Is it already April? Boy has time flown.

Liam is 2.5yo now and boy is he giving me a run for my money. He goes and goes and goes. He is a lady killer and loves attention. He wants to do construction with Daddy. He wants to work with Mommy. Work is drawing, cut and pasting, and preschool stuff like Ryan. He so looks up to Ryan.

Ryan has been doing real well in school. He is reading beginner books and my facebook page. Ryan was sick from March 4th - March 28th. Ryan would throw up and/or have diarrhea every day. He would throw up 2 times and then have bad diarrhea all day or throw up 6 times and very little diarrhea. He went to 2 different ERs, He got blood drawn, stool samples done, an ultrasound, x-rays, and an IV. What did he have? Stomach flu or gastroenteritis. His pediatric gastro doctor says he has an immature gut, so sickness last longer in him than NT kids. Ryan went to school 4 days in the month of March. Ryan lost 3 pounds during this sickness. Ryan is 37 pounds and 44.5 inches tall now.

Ryan went and saw a developmental pediatrician from TX Children's Hospital Autism Center last week. I was told Ryan understands more than he speaks. I already knew this. I was told Ryan reads on a 1st grade level. Ryan can not tell you his phone number, where he lives, or button his own pants. Ryan can tell you his name, he learned that last year, and he now knows how old he is. He can count to 100 and know all the letters and their sounds. He can count in Spanish and use some sign language. Since there is such a wide difference in his skills and he shows many atypical behaviors the doctor said that Ryan has mild/moderate Autism. I will get my final notes in a couple of weeks.Ryan will get some genetic testing done soon and he needs to get some more physical and occupational therapy evaluations done.

Ryan has issues taken meds, so when his doctors RX him new stuff, I have to learn where to sneak it in. Ryan is supposed to take a vitamin, Abilfy, Melatonin, fiber, and probiotics. This doesn't happen every day.

David is doing well at work and working hard. He really likes his job and the people he works with. He hates the drive. David borrowed some tools from a friend's husband and made us a bed frame for our bed. He is going to make shelves, desks, and Ryan a bed frame soon.

2013 is here!

We are on to new things in 2013.

David is still working for the State. He loves his job, but hates the commute.

The boys have been sick this past week and David has been at work. No one has come by to help out. If someone came by it was because they wanted to bitch or because they wanted something. I am not going to ask for help. It would be nice if someone came over and said, "Leslie go take a bath. i got the kids!" My friends and in-laws say they will do this, but never follow through. We moved 2 hours away from his job because people said they were going to miss the boys and would help me out.

I told all friends and family about 15 days ago, that I would need help with the boys during Ryan's winter break and no one has come over. It is real sad.

The question is when do we move closer to David's job?

Liam is 2yo and weighs 29 pounds. He is 31.5 inches tall. He loves to climb and destroy things. He likes to help cook and do laundry. Liam will probably be out of ECI soon. He has a speech evaluation on the 11th to see where he is at. Liam likes to throw toys and test limits.

Ryan is 5yo and loves school on most days. He is not having anything to do with potty training. He is 47 pounds and 3ft. 8inches tall. Ryan is smart and is copying language every day. He is learning to play with others. He is fighting with his brother, mainly pushing and hitting. Ryan would sit on the couch and play on the iPad all day if I let him.

Ryan is going full day to his PPCD class. He is fighting their strict schedule. I guess having easy going parents with no schedule doesn't help. It is hard to develop a schedule when you haven't had one for years. Ryan has been sick 2 times this school year already. The ped is going to check his blood for some answers, we have to wait until he is well though. Ugh!

One of my best friends is moving out of state with her new family and friends in a few months. I wish her lots of luck. I need to get my will done soon because she will be the boys guardian if something happens to David and I.

I am doing okay. I am sick and have a bad cough. My teeth seem to hurt a lot. I have no money and no insurance. I am upset and depressed that no one comes and visits me and the boys. It makes me re-evaluate my friendship with them.

2013 -
I want to move.
I want to lose 100 pounds.
I want Liam and Ryan potty trained.
I want to have a strong and loving marriage with David.
I want Ryan to eat different foods that he hasn't had before.
I want to learn how to live by a schedule.

6 month Update

Ryan got into the PPCD program for half days. He started is April 2012. He went to ESY during the summer and is back at school now. We are now waiting for the emergency ARD meeting to move Ryan up to full day.

Ryan has learned his name and for the first year ever, he told me Happy Mothers Day with out be told to. I cried! Ryan has had a speech and occupational evaluation done at TX Children's Hospital in Houston. He has an 18 month delay on speech and many delays in Occupational. Ryan has sensory issues. Ryan will have to see a psych doctor at TCH and then we should get a RX from them on Ryan.  Ryan got new glasses and he is farsighted.

Liam just turned 2 years old. Liam is a handful. He receives ECI services for speech and behavioral. Liam will get an OT eval in 1 week. Liam likes to bounce, rock, twirl, pull hair, bite, throw toys, and hit his brother.

Ryan's school evaluation

David and I will be going to one of our local elementary schools to have Ryan's 1st ARD meeting with the people that evaluated him. The informal meeting will be March 29th and a formal meeting on April 5th.

I am nervous and excited. If Ryan has enough issues/delay, he will go to a preschool for children with special needs. If Ryan doesn't have enough issues.delay, he will start Pre-K in August. Either way, Ryan will be going to school in 5 months or so.

Liam's 18 month appointment

My surprise pregnancy turned into a bouncing baby boy and now he is a toddler.

Liam is growing up so fast. He can point, talk, run, walk, eat with a fork, loves taking his diaper off, and he loves his Wiggles. Liam has a blankie he likes and carries around and he also has a stuffed black panther that he loves up on.

Liam weighs 24 pounds, the ped thinks he needs to gain some weight.
Liam is 30.25 inches tall. He is shorter than Ryan at this age. Liam is built more like David.

My Men

David is allergic to crab, ragweed(all types), and Russian Thistle. His other allergies are mild. He has an epi pen now.

Ryan's new meds seem to be working. He is talking more coherently. Yeah!

Liam is 18 months old now and going to the doctor for his 18 month well baby check up next week.

David is off being allergy tested as I type this. I can't wait to see what his results are. He was so nervous when he left here.

Ryan seems to be communicating more recently. I think it is the meds. I am happy. We go back to psych doctor in 2 weeks. In about 4 weeks, I should hear something from local school district about help for Ryan.

Liam is still wild and sometimes a bully towards Ryan. Ryan says to Liam, "Don't bully!" a lot. Liam likes Mickey Mouse, The Wiggles, and Barney.

January 2012

January was busy for us. Ryan had 2 appts with a new doctor and another school evaluation.

The eval went smoothly and lasted about an hour. I could see where Ryan was lacking and not doing what they wanted him to do. I will know in March what programs the school district will offer Ryan. I am hoping he will be able to go a preschool for special needs children in our school district. If he doesn't do that, he will try Pre-K.

I am still waiting for TX Children's to call me back to get Ryan eval there for his Autism.

Ryan's new doctor is a psych one. She said that Ryan was mild/moderate Autistic with SPD. She started him on a med that made him walk around moaning and he would throw up. We have changed him to a new med, but I am leery of trying it while David is at work. We go back in 4 weeks.

The rest of us are doing fairly well.

I lost my voice for 3 days over New Years. My voice is still not back to normal. Ugh! I need to get a filling.

David got a raise at work. We have filed our taxes.Since David got a raise the boys can no longer get Medicaid and they are now on CHIP.

Liam is growing like a weed. He is pointing and saying - mama, dada, up, down, kitty, baba, bye, hi, and night night. He can blow kisses and wave. Liam can sign - more and milk. He will show you where his milk is for his cup. He will tell you through non-verbal signals that he wants to jump in his jumper.

School Already

We are registering Ryan at school, so he can have his testing done next month. The admin. lady said, "I will give you all the paperwork now and he will be ready for pre-K next year." Pre-K, my baby in school already. How did that happen? Scary!

Ryan is going to be allergy tested on December 15th at 1pm. I wonder what his allergies will be.

Liam's Allergy Test Results

The doctor was real nice and Liam hated them all. He did not like be poked by 8 tiny needles five different times all over his back and the 2nd part was six needles in each arm to retest some shady results.

During the Spring, he is allergic to Oak and Pecan Trees.  During the Summer, he is allergic to Orchard and Bahia grass. During the Fall, he is allergic to Short Ragweed and Lamb's Quarter Weeds.  He is allergic to House Dust, Dust Mites, Cat and Dog Dander, Eggs and Penicillium Mold all the time.  Cat Dander and Egg got a 4+ rating for allergy level, everything else in the list got a 3+. The allergy scale is from 1+ to 4+.

Liam was RX an epi pen. We also have saline drops, benadryl, and some other liquid allergy med. The doctor suggested doing allergy shots. He would do allergy shots for 3 - 5 years.

We got directions today on how to reduce dust and dust mites in our home. My 2 cats will have to go to a new home as soon as possible.

My Liam

Liam is actually named William after my father. The funny thing is my period the cycle I got pregnant started on my father's birthday in 2009. He would have been 76 years old that day. My father passed away over 11 years ago.

I didn't like the names Willie or Billy and my Dad went by Bill, so I chose to call my youngest son Liam. His middle name is after my father in law. Liam has a name to live up to.

Liam was born at 37 weeks and 1 day. It was a hard delivery because it lasted days. The pushing was easy when it was time. Liam came early because of my blood pressure and I almost had to have a C-section.

Liam is so different from Ryan. Liam walked at 11 months and he talks a lot. He loves to investigate everything. He points at things and eats from my plate a lot. You can't leave a drink down or he will claim it quick. Liam will eat almost anything and drink almost anything and Ryan will not. Liam has eczema and Ryan never had that. Liam has a bad case of it. It is all over his face, ankles, behind his kneecaps, and very itchy. We tried many things and it would never go away.

We recently went to our ped in TX and was sent for allergy testing via blood and the results came back a couple days ago that Liam is allergic to cat dander and egg whites. The ped's nurse said he tests showed a severe reaction and I should get rid of my cats. My cats are both over 10 years old.

The allergy doctor will see Liam on Friday at 8am. Yeah! I love getting up early. The nurse from the allergy office said to feed him like normal and to call his egg white allergy, an egg allergy. She said it was hard to correctly divide the egg from its parts, so don't bother. I had my thoughts on being allergic to cats, but the egg allergy through me for a loop.

My Ryan

Ryan was born in 2007 after I struggled with infertility for 10 years.

He had all 10 toes and 10 fingers. He was perfect!

As the days and months started to fly by, I noticed some things about Ryan. He had loose bowels a lot. He was gassy and fussy. He wouldn't act hungry and he would have projectile vomit 3 or more times a week. I took him to a bunch of specialists and was told it was reflux because a child that young could not be allergic to cow's milk.

At 15 months old, our amazing gastro doctor at Texas Children's Hospital said lets just stop giving him cow's milk and see what happens. A few weeks later Ryan was a different kid. Yeah!

I always thought something was off about Ryan, but all the doctors and teachers told me he was fine and within the normal ranges for his age group.

Ryan didn't walk until he was 15 months. He never wanted to play with other kids. He never pointed out things or asked for toys and such. He never wanted a drink of my drink or a bite of my food.  He liked certain foods, certain toys, and certain shows. He would eat the same thing over and over again each day and still does. He hasn't changed what he eats besides the amounts since he was 2 years old. I am finally able to get him to eat bananas now. He wants 2-3 of them a day.

Ryan is not potty trained and doesn't really seem to want to be. He has peed in the potty once a few weeks ago. I guess that was a fluke.

Ryan was recently diagnosed with being on the Autism spectrum and having Sensory Processing Disorder. This was by his doctor at the time and occupational therapist in Florida.

Ryan will go and see a child psychiatrist in January 2012. He will also get a formal evaluation through the school district in January 2012, I need to get his therapy started up again.